i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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