One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
