so that wasnt chicken after all
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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