I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
