I think scott just propositioned me for sex
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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