He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We left the knife in your bed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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