The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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