I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
