I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
