My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
