if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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