Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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