somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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