It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
