my vag is so smooth its legendary
he told me I talked like a deaf person
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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