I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
