She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Randomize
