one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
