At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
