rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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