The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
