If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
