We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize