I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
