shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize