Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
