worst night to have a conscience
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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