My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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