Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
