then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
