wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We have so much sex to catch up on
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
