Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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