I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
