Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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