I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
