A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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