he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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