I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
