I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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