Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
