Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
