Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
