so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize