dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
