Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
