This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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