So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
