She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
