Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
