My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
