the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
