youre lurking in front of me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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