can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Even my vagina gasped.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
