so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
