Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
