mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
