i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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