If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
