I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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