Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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