I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
