just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
