OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
