that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
