I need help removing her.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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