WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
