I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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