in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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