He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
