All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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