Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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