Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
