I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize