yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
