This girl is more easily done than said...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
