she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
